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botanyshitposts

idk how the hell i’ve run a blog called ‘botanyshitposts’ for almost four years now without ever thinking to talk about this but in high school my little brother wanted a pet that wouldnt die so we got him a moss ball for $8 at a pet store and he named it tiki and it lives in this dedicated plastic tank at our parents’ house even though we’re both at college now. usually it doesnt do anything but over the past two weeks of winter break our family has watched in horror as it has gone about the process of slowly and ominously rising from its usual position at the depths of its abode to the top, where it now floats with gravel bits stuck to it from literal years of not moving. my mom has moved it to behind the sink so now whenever i go to wash my hands in the kitchen i have to face it and im scared

botanyshitposts

just squeezed all the water out of her like yall said in the replies and i put her back and shes still floating….maybe she just likes it up there

botanyshitposts

botanyshitposts

update: she sank to the bottom and stayed there for days and i thought this story was over until i WALKED OVER TO THE SINK JUST NOW

botanyshitposts

test: pet her, tell her she is a good moss ball

results: she sit

botanyshitposts

wild things about this post:

-the amount of porn bots mass reblogging this bc of the word ‘ball’

-the amount of people with extensive knowledge about native moss ball habitats and care coming out of the woodwork to reply to this post

-the amount of people endeared and riveted by her ongoing performance

glumshoe

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

glumshoe

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

glumshoe

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

puerto-nic0

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

schmergo

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

batsalmighty

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

splinterdirk

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?
Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?
Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).

– Got to walk a second time through–

Same guy: My friends -wailing-
Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad
Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh.

sympathetic-deceit-trash

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.